Crusade

I was sad today. I had a really tough time from the moment I woke up until really just a little bit ago. Just having a lot of overthought loops. Having a lot of like hyper focusing on things I don't have control over or speculation on things that don't make me feel good. I don't want to write it off as general anxiety, but that's basically what it was. I wanted to cry. I still do. I might be stressed about money. I'm definitely stressed about my station in life. My age, my social status. There's a lot of points in my life where I've felt like it was the end already like I was already a failure. This is one of those. The added stress of my age now makes it that much worse. I'm so frustrated. 

To try to put some light on something positive. I did a good job at work tonight. I personally feel that I made improvements and learned more about how to do my own job better. That's really about it. Everything else was stressed out thoughts. Jared gave me a couple of cigars. He was really excited to give me those and Ezra Zion blonde bombshell no it was called Drop Dead Gorgeous and the other one was a Jas Sum Kral Zlatno Sonce or something like that? It's something to look forward to. 

The internet is down here at the house and it's been down for now a day and a half maybe 2 days. That's really annoying. 

 I'm smoking. AJ Fernandez Ave. Maria riconquista, And I'm drinking what's labeled MPC funky rye and I think it said 15-year on it maybe. The rye I got from Taddy on one of the cigar discords obviously the midnight pour Club. I had asked him for some details on the rye that I've been and he actually just got back to me. I'll copy and paste it over

"That is a one off experiment I did where I double oaked some malted rye. It was sooo good. Ill be doing more experiments soon"

So there you go double oaked rye. Sweet, nice finish. Just good all around. I'll have to pry him later about his process for the second finish.