words and patterns

 i had actually thought it had been longer since i last wrote in this. i'm okay. bored, but okey. spring makes things easier.

Ok Ok Ok Accept I'm not interested Ask me again later Ok  Do not accept Ok Ok Cancel cancel Ok Ok Ok I'm still here I'm in this picture and I don't like it Ok Ok I'm not a robot Ok Skip ad Ok Accept Accept Accept 

 she'd turn to me and say "You deserve it" but not in a mean way she'd say you're alone by choice there's only so much one person can do and even if you haven't done it no one is counting. no one but you. then she would tell me i'm handsome, a compliment that always lived somewhere in between genuine sweetness and a purposeful rerouting of topic; like a quantum bit, never deciding which it truly is until it truly is. Or was. I should be writing this with a bottle of whiskey, but I'm not. Christmas Eve, 2021

So afraid of failure that I ran straight into it

 forces beyond comprehension immeasurable perception caged in ignorance and knowing it like tying your hands together with your own fingers like tying our hands together interlacing fingers and the moon looks on never wavering its gaze for aeons i have loved you i can stay in orbit a little bit longer you dont have to ask i'll always stay a little longer you dont have to ask

I have mixed feelings about hope

Maybe living into and beyond your 40's is so enigmatic and strange because we've only been doing it for a short period on the timeline of humanity