Montague v Capulet

I feel like I'm rushing this entry, or rather I am rushing this entry. I'm sitting in the parking lot at work. Smoking a cigar as usual

I feel really rushed today. There's a lingering irritation or maybe frustration. Sort of started last night. I guess after working with Clint. today I just feel like not anger but a restlessness. But nonetheless, I came to work, I'm downstairs tonight as a material handler. 

I felt rushed coming into work. I didn't wake up later or anything. I just didn't really get going. I showered at 5:00 so timing was normal but every time I completed a task it felt like I was still behind. Then I had to go to the gas station to get nicotine pouches which made me feel even more like I was rushing to work even though I had left plenty early. So now I got to work. I smoked a smaller cigar on the way in to make sure that I could actually finish it before going inside, which I did. The smaller smoke was a ohana nui. Toasted marshmallow a very small but very good Connecticut shade.

(Hours later)

I feel like my job makes me rush everything. I never feel like I have the space to accomplish anything correctly and that extends out to my actual life. I hate this job and I can't wait to be done with it. Even with a sort of deadline now existing in the ether for me to potentially purchase a home and then move into that home down south. The idea of making it through 8 months to a year more of the same bullshit I've been dealing with for so long.... Between broken machines, staff that doesn't care, management that is only put there to pinch pennies further so that the corporation can make more money, which makes sense in a capitalist bubble but doesn't work well with reality, the reality of being human, the reality of having emotions and relationships and concerns that... I don't know. I kind of assumed by externalizing my thoughts to be easier to organize them, but now I just feel more frustrated like I'm wasting my time. Whatever I'll try to keep at it but I don't feel good about it right now.