words and patterns

 she'd turn to me and say "You deserve it" but not in a mean way she'd say you're alone by choice there's only so much one person can do and even if you haven't done it no one is counting. no one but you. then she would tell me i'm handsome, a compliment that always lived somewhere in between genuine sweetness and a purposeful rerouting of topic; like a quantum bit, never deciding which it truly is until it truly is. Or was. I should be writing this with a bottle of whiskey, but I'm not. Christmas Eve, 2021

So afraid of failure that I ran straight into it

 forces beyond comprehension immeasurable perception caged in ignorance and knowing it like tying your hands together with your own fingers like tying our hands together interlacing fingers and the moon looks on never wavering its gaze for aeons i have loved you i can stay in orbit a little bit longer you dont have to ask i'll always stay a little longer you dont have to ask