words and patterns

Let's see if I can blog while driving. As I said I'm driving home from work. It is now Saturday I believe. Maybe it's the 13th and I'm smoking a cigar if you could believe it. Alec Bradley magic toast not a bad day at work long I was on drop line 3 with Clint which is a trial in and of itself. He's a good guy who's worked hard but his age shows in his work and in his ability to hold attention. But all in all it wasn't a bad night. I still had it pretty easy. Got to spend a lot of the shift relaxing and even when I was on the line I was falling asleep  Sophie and I have been communicating more frequently. Though I feel it's not necessarily the type of communication I'm seeking, but she might be testing the waters or probing for security reasons. It's still just nice to be talking to her at all, especially after this last visit and being able to spend time with her without any sort of holding back. Well maybe there was some holding back but without...

Thursday, November 20th 5:55 p.m.  Getting ready to leave for work, I'm already in the car smoking a cigar, warming up the engine. I don't want to go. I never do. 8:06 pm First break. Smoking an Alec Bradley Superstition out in the car, listening to Game of Thrones on audiobook. It's been a bit since I was past listening, so I have to use context clues to figure out where I am in the book/story. Pretty sure this is a Jon Connington chapter, which tbh I think is a "flavor" chapter, it really only serves to fill in backstory concerning Young Griff/Faegon, as well as inform the reader that JonCon is totally fucked from Greyscale.  11:00 pm On another break in the car smoking a cigar. This one is an HVC seleccion number one.  I need to do some meditations on communication. What my expectations are of others. How I can be more patient and acceptant of the way others communicate and how that might not work intuitively with the way I understand communication....

" reluctantly crouched at the starting line..."                                                                -Cake Let's talk about impulse control. Of which I have none. That's not true. I just don't exercise it as much as I should. I think too much and I don't write down enough. I need to be writing things down more.  I'm not doing anything wrong. I've done things in the past that contribute to my situation today, but I'm not contributing negatively right now. I'm doing the best I can. I work. I do control impulses. Im being patient with myself and with others. I'm doing the best I can. But the best I can can be better. That's the work. I'm feeling guilty for buying $50 worth of cigars. When really I should be feeling guilty about spending $150 on kratom? And I don't even know how long that'll last. I need to use the SR ...

So it's been about 2 days since I've made an entry so I guess I should probably make one. Though I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to talk about because nothing's happened. I think that's what I've never understood about. Making journals is that you end up just logging day-to-day nothingness. It almost puts a spotlight on how full of nothing each day is. It's like chiseling into stones. Thoughts that I have as I lay in bed at the end of each day and I don't think I like those thoughts, but maybe that's what this is all about. Is working through those thoughts and making them better I don't know. In any event, let's talk about what has happened. On Saturday night my brother and I drove down to Maryland which I enjoyed doing just for the drive itself but the goal was to go get weed cuz it's recreationally legal on the other side of the border and gas is cheaper on the other side of the border as well. We went to the dispensary tha...

Saturday, November 15th 7:40 a.m.  Sitting in the basement smoking a Mr Bundles newspaper blend cigar It's got this cool newspaper wrapper to it. They use Korean newspapers. I have no idea why but they do.  And I'm watching Star Trek: Enterprise, the series I sort of skipped over. I don't know what time period it came out, I would assume early 2000sish cuz that's when I wasn't watching as much television. I was a bit more social at the time I think. Anyway, it's cool to catch up to the show. It's got elements more of old television that I like. Not so much old Star Trek even though there are also elements that of Star Trek that it embodies more so than current Star Trek projects that I've seen.  This cigar is really good. Let's talk about the spoon.  There is a spoon, a very specific spoon. It's a long spoon rather it's got a long handle to it. The spoon part of it. The part that spoons if you will is normal sized or m...

I didn't make an entry yesterday so I have to be double certain to make one today so here it is. I finally reached my week off that I'm not scheduled to do anything. I'm not doing any overtime. I'm not driving across the f****** country. I don't have anything planned but I do have to wrangle my life together over this next week. Figure out my upcoming finances. Figure out what money I have and don't have. Start getting ready for Christmas. yeah. I don't feel like copying over the template, so I'll try to remember what things I'm supposed to address in a blog entry. I didn't have any goals for today besides getting rest, which I did. Actually I did watch some new TV new to me. At least I watched the first three episodes of a show called pluribus which stars the lady that played Kim wexler in better Call Saul and I also watched the first episode of The Americans someone had suggested pluribus to me. I don't remember who now. I think it might ha...